Hair Dye
by Tripptych
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto dye their hair. Slight ItaSasu but mostly humour.


**Hair Dye**

By Tripptych / a m b a, y e a h?

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

Former chapter from Tattoo Profession that has been edited and reposted.

…

"Oi bastard come here and check this out!" Naruto's loud excited voice broke the air of boredom we held, I groaned to my dissatisfaction and cracked one lazy eye open to stare at the black shirted blonde sitting at my desk with the computer.

"What idiot? I don't wanna move" I drawled adjusting the arms behind me head as we lounged around my bedroom on this fine Saturday morning, utterly bored and too broke and car less to go be local.

"Seriously come here and check this out!" He turned in his seat to wave me over an air of urgency to his tone.

I surveyed the distance between my bed and the desk and moaned my sluggish lazy body half staggering and partially crawling over to stand behind him, the top half of my body leaning heavily on his head.

The noise of protest he made, made me smirk before I looked at the screen, a picture of some boy with half a head of blonde and the other red stared back at me. I looked uninterestedly; we'd seen plenty of people with hair like that what's so great about it? In fact I was pretty sure Naruto had a friend from some other country, Alaska maybe? Guru, Garen, Gaara? Had hair like that; I should be more assertive towards my friends or I might end up doomed like uncle Madara and his ten cats.

_Nobody_ wanted to end up like Uncle Madara and his ten cats.

"It's some kid with dyed hair, so what?" I drawled lazily still staring at the shock of colours that contrasted greatly against each other, he glared up at me from the strained position my weight put on his blonde head.

"We should dye our hair…you'd look good with a streak of red here" He said moving to finger my bangs; I scrunched my face up at him; I hate people touching my hair among other things.

I considered the idea briefly to myself, a little debate of conscious; I had done plenty of worse things as of late what would a little red hair dye do? The words 'famous last words' came to mind.

"LET'S DO IT, DATTEBAYO!" He yelled standing abruptly, effectively knocking me back on my ass unexpectedly.

I groaned loudly, muttering a slew of offending terms under my breath while rubbing my abused tailbone a glare for the stupid blonde talking excitedly while looking for something, my eyes hurt too follow him around the room as he moved like a blur of blonde and orange pyjama pants.

"We'll ring Sakura; she's a girl and pretty good at this girly shit!" He yelled a grin stretching across his face as if he'd won the lottery or discovered the secrets of the universe.

I snorted and moved to stand; surveying the demolition work Naruto was doing of my room still looking for something. This was a terrible idea, actually this was one of those plans that were clearly doomed from the very start but I wasn't one to ruin the fun straight up, no I'd wait till it fucked up and then the teasing would begin.; unless I was the one that got fucked up, then it would be a fight to the death.

An image of Naruto in a grass skirt, spear in hand, paint covering his face and a loud battle cry filled my head.

"Hey bastard, where's your fucking phone?" Naruto cried staring around the room after having annihilated my pillows and bedding; I muttered a few choice words and thought for a minute on the whereabouts of my phone.

"Use your own phone; I'm still trying to explain to my parents why my bill is near $400 because of the porn download." I huffed agitatedly, remembering the awkward conversation my parents had with me.

"Oh come on, I don't even have enough money to afford the gum under the seats, your loaded and a 3 minute call isn't going to cost you a arm and a leg, dattebayo!" He cried still searching, I glared at him for using the 'I'm an orphan and broke, feel sorry for me' excuse; he always uses it to get his way with me.

That sounded dirty, oh lord do I need to stop hanging out with perverts.

"And would it kill you to not be as tight as a dolphin's ass? Geez where the fucks your phone!" He yelled from under my bed, his strikingly vibrant orange ass looking appealing to my foot but I refrained.

"I think it's in my jeans, in my wardrobe." I said looking at him and his agitated impatient face.

He huffed and stalked into my closet, stamping his bare feet while I shuffled gracefully as a drunk to my mess of a bed, whose brilliant idea was it to have him sleepover? I sat cross legged in the centre of my bed and waited for the ever obnoxious blonde to return.

My thoughts began to wander to random things I should be doing with my spare time before the landed on my brother, I felt the blush rise on the tips of my ears. The said man had yet to make an indication of himself today but that was nothing unusual, he was barely ever out of bed before 11am when he still lived at home so why should his ways of changed since he moved out?

Then again I hadn't checked my phone this morning.

I sighed disdainfully and leant back against the head board, a frown set on my ever passive face. Too many thoughts regarding Itachi had become too evident to my daily ritual, I loved my aniki dearly and even that was somewhat strained between the thin, very thin line of a normal sibling relationship.

A line that was faded and wearing thin.

I wasn't a sheltered kid; my parents had always been informing of hard life topics; even those regarding my apparently very noticeable affection for my brother. I snorted mentally, I wasn't the one they needed to be talking to about sibling affection; Itachi was the one to introduce the occasional not so g-rated kissing and occasional grope.

I was just glad they weren't so perceptive to our relationship anymore, after father having become solely dedicated to trying to persuade Itachi into the family company and out of that 'disrespecting career of drawing on delinquents and drug addicts' and mother having taken up a keen interest in competitive flower arranging.

Whatever competition there was in that, I could not fathom.

Monotonous beeping broke off my thoughts as I blinked, the distinctive sound of my phone's keypad noise reaching me.

A few seconds past till Naruto sauntered out of the wardrobe, the phone to his ear and grin on his face*.

"Heeeey Sakura" Naruto purred her name like a cheesy pervert as he sat on the bed beside me.

"_Oh it's you, don't say my name like that you creep!"_ Sakura's growling voice yelled through the receiver.

I winced and continued to listen in on the conversation, "Heh, sorry Sakura!" He apologised quickly a nervous laugh coming from his throat.

We were both well knowledgeable of the unnaturally pink headed girls temper.

"We have a favour to ask-"she cut him off "_Is_ _Sasuke there!"_ She screeched bringing a sour look to the whiskered face.

I felt bad for him, his constant and unyielding dedication of a so called childhood crush had yet to fizzle out even though she was madly in love with me, who had the heart of rock and clearly had no interest. Fight for what you love right? Good thing Naruto had an endless supply of determination.

Whether that was a plus or not, I hadn't decided.

"Yes, well as I was saying we have to ask you something" He changed the subject before she strayed too far into the Sasuke land.

"_Oh, I swear if it's some sort of ill_-"Naruto cut her off quickly, "No, no, no, no!" He insisted waiting for her next words.

Noting that she was expecting him to continue he hurried the question along, "We were thinking since your, you know a girl-" Unintelligible screeching erupted from the phone, causing both boys to pull away from the offending noise.

"_So I'm a girl, what does that matter Naruto you condescending pig!"_ she roared heading full blown into a rant about female rights and crap.

She was enough to make you sick, how Naruto could even consider liking her was another thing I had trouble digesting and fathoming.

There were a lot of things I could not fathom recently; mothers competitive flower arranging, Naruto's love for crazy obsessive girls, why Itachi owned a rubber duck collection and more importantly humanity in general; just all part of the pile of things I would never understand.

My frustrations rose quickly and my eyebrow twitched, barely a spasm of muscles under my skin while Naruto deadpanned still holding the device a little ways from his ear and distressed look on his face as he tried to talk reason to the screaming female.

My aggravation to the pink haired bitch grew steadily as I thrust my hand out to Naruto my palm facing up while I gestured to my phone, signalling for him to hand it over. He done so readily, practically throwing the still screaming thing at me, his face looking a little down since he knew she would listen to what I had to say.

"Sakura, it's me Sasuke." I started stupidly as if the girl wouldn't immediately recognise my voice.

She stopped abruptly and cooed my name dazedly, "Naruto and I have a question that you need to answer, and can you dye hair?" I got straight to the point not feeling the need to beat around the bush so to speak.

"_Why of course! I dye my own hair after all-"_I cut her off satisfied with her answer but slightly turned off since I wasn't hoping to look like I had stuck my head in the cotton candy machine.

"Well Naruto and I are looking to dye our hair do you think you could do it?" I asked smirking a little at challenge I had undoubtedly set her.

She readily agreed, rambling on about all the things we would need; I sighed and spoke her name again.

"Sakura, purchase whatever it is we'll need for this shit and then come over." My tone a little agitated as she continued to ramble on about combs and such.

"_Oh alright then, what colour did you have in mind?"_ She asked completely disregarding Naruto's part in this.

"RED! DATTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled beside my head where his was pressed against the side of mine, trying to hear the conversation I had no trouble hearing from where I sat while he was on the phone.

I hissed violently yanking my head from his; he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly while letting out a nervous laugh.

"Just do red, see you later" I muttered into the phone, hanging up before she could reply.

I was such an asshole most days and day felt like no exception.

_**[Fast Forward a Few Hours]**_

"What's all this shit, you were supposed to be getting hair dye?" I asked my frustration towards the assortment of different things on the table before me evident.

Sakura looked a little frustrated herself, "Well considering you're an _Uchiha_ you think you _would_ be _observant_of the fact that I have to _bleach your hair_for the colour to even _consider_showing up" She emphasized a few words like I a little slow or something.

I glared icily at her but she disregarded it turning to Naruto who was squinting at the words on the back of the red dye packaging, looking like he was having a little trouble.

Dreaded thoughts flew through my head at the idea of bleaching my hair, I was rather anal of my hair; it was my pride after all and the idea of ruining it with chemicals and toxins had my in great distress.

"We are not bleaching my hair, I don't want it to fall out; I don't have a face to be bald" I blanched, crossing my arms and eyeing the bottles of shit warily.

Naruto muttered something unintelligible that was surely insulting, I glared regardless.

She growled, "Don't be such a baby, it won't ruin your hair too much." She said grabbing a few of the containers.

"I don't want any damage!" I cried exasperatedly, waving my hand wildly towards my head.

"You've never dyed you hair before, nothing bad is going to happen and with a little treatment it should be back to its original condition." She sighed, removing the lids off a few things and grabbing the small dish I had seen the hairdressers use when dying my mother's hair.

"Should? It better because if it's not then I'll have you head" I growled dejectedly, my want for the new hair out weighing the consequences I may have to face.

"Deal, now remove your shirt and sit" She said a little perversely for my liking, my eye twitched but I complied removing my shirt and sitting in at the bar stool beside the island bench.

She wiped a little drool from her mouth before mixing the powdery substance with the liquid that made my nose burn harshly, no wonder she was so ditzy with all the chemicals she inhaled. Handing the goo mix to Naruto, who stood beside her she reached for a comb and a few bobby pins.

I flinched when she touched my head; separating the strands and pinning the parts staying my natural raven black. "Alright, Naruto hand me the foil and don't move with that bowl." She ordered pushing the foil underneath the thick strands at the side of my head, her hand positioned correctly while she scooped a decent amount of the goo on the dye brush.

I winced physically when the cold gunk touched my scalp, the chemical smell burning my senses. Using even strokes she applied a liberal amount to the chunk of hair, using a down stroke to ensure complete coverage.

Satisfied with it she handed the brush to Naruto who observed pulling face unconsciously, I released a breath I didn't realise I was holding when she folded the foil and secured it to my head.

"All done, now we have to wait for it to set and works it's magic then wash it out" She said professionally checking to make sure it was neat. I nodded vaguely getting up from the stool so Naruto could sit, a little too eagerly in my opinion.

"Here could you wash this out?" She handed me the bleach dish and pointed to the kitchen sink, I floundered a little.

"What about Naruto why aren't you bleaching his hair?" I accused pointing to his head and awaiting a reply.

"He's already blonde, we don't need to dye his it's effective enough without it" She said like it was the most obvious thing.

I felt a little stupid, but I would blame the chemicals I was inhaling.

I blinked my anger rising, I didn't want to be the only one with the chance of my hair falling out. I shuddered when I considered the image of having to buy a toupee to cover my bald spot this gunk would surely leave.

"Come on we don't have all day, yours won't take long and we don't want it in there any longer than necessary" She insisted while I stalked off to the sink grumbling a slew of words.

Scrubbing the shit out of the bowl I resisted the urge to scratch my head, this shit was disgusting and I couldn't even begin to hate myself enough for listening to the blonde and pink dipshits in the next room. I dried the black bowl and brush while making my way back, my bad mood almost disappearing immediately as I burst into laughter at Naruto.

Sakura had put some sort of cap on his head, one that you might use for swimming but by the looks of it filled with numerous little holes that Sakura had began to pull little strands through with a metal like hook.

"Fuck up teme! This shit fucking hurts- OW!" He cried when she pulled a little roughly, I held my ribs encase they cracked under the pressure.

It was truly a sight, he looked like a bald man with nothing but a few strands of hair sticking up. It actually reminded me of the time Itachi's friend Kisame brought a dog home from the pound with the mange.

"You look ridiculous!" I laughed again, handing the bowl to Sakura as she poured the red dye into it. I walked over to Naruto and reached to touch the bald cap, barely contained laughter falling from my lips as I felt the fine hair sticking out.

"Piss off!" He growled kicking towards my shin in anger; I avoided it quickly and moved back having had my fun.

"Sasuke go wash your hair, no shampoo or conditioning though" Sakura ordered mixing the red stuff, I nodded heading for the kitchen to dunk my head under the sink.

Laughs still tumbling from my lips amusedly.

Turing the taps to a reasonable temperature while pulling at the foil to remove, scrubbing the front of my head roughly; removing the not so gunk like crap and watching it swirl down the drain. Squeezing the excess water out of my hair I stood from my bent position fingering the little bits of blonde hair I could see, I tugged a little relieved to see none came out like I had feared.

Grabbing mother's dish towel I rubbed my head shaking it a little to remove excess water, "Hurry up Sasuke, I'm ready to put the red in!" Sakura's voice echoed to my ears, eager to have this over with I moved sharply.

Naruto jumped down from my previous seat his bead looking a little gory all bald looking and blood red, it was a little sadistic really. I jumped up into the seat as she set to separating the blonde from the black.

A long ten minutes later she had finished, pinning the wet strands back again and retrieving another piece of foil. Repeating what she had done with the bleach, it was done in a matter of moments and I was grateful, this shit didn't smell half as bad as the bleach but it wasn't pleasant either.

"Alright Naruto, give that five more minutes and then wash it out" She directed Naruto who had stuck his finger in the remaining dye and swiped it across his cheeks.

"And wash that off! It will stain your skin!" She cried angrily smacking his head while she still had the plastic gloves on, ensuring she didn't get covered with red dye.

"Use the main shower dobe; it's easier to clean than the ensuite." I said as he headed up the stairs and out of sight.

"Yeah yeah teme!" He yelled back and I groaned knowing full well I would have to clean up that mess before my parents got home, he would surely leave it looking like a horror show had happened in there.

"You should wash that out too, I don't know what might happen if you left it in too long" Sakura remarked coming back after having binned the empty packaging and resecured the lids on things.

"Yeah alright, you know where the TV is right?" I asked considering how long I might be in the shower, how thoughtful of me.

"Yeah sure" She said a little down when I grabbed my discarded shirt and moved to leave, this was probably the first and only time she would get to see me half naked I decided.

I trudged up the stairs to my brothers old room that held the ensuite bathroom, the bastard had complained to father before he left about keeping his room for when he wanted to come home the bastard just wanted to make me suffer.

I had wanted the bigger room with the built in bathroom, why shouldn't I? He didn't live at home so it should have been fair game.

_Yeah right._

I wandered through his old room, noting the dust accumulating and the barren surfaces; nothing looked right since he took down his old flash and band posters; it had barely resembled anything Itachi was these days.

Removing my remaining clothing I threw a clean towel on the bench and hoped in the glass door shower, turning the water stream on awaiting it to heat up. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised when the water immediately turned scolding after having stuck my head under it, completely disregarding that Naruto shared the same water system as me at that moment and had exited his shower.

With a shriek I jumped out of the stall, my hair dripping red from the dye and pouring down my face, what I had not expected however was Itachi to be standing in the door jamb a look of surprise, embarrassment and then worry on his face.

"Sasuke you're fucking bleeding, what the fuck did you do!" He shrieked worriedly practically grabbing my head and tilting it towards him, completely disregarding the fact that I was starkers, wet and toughly embarrassed to be so.

"I'm not bleeding you idiot! Its hair dye" I floundered pushing him away with my eyes wide and my cheeks flaming fuchsia.

He looked a little embarrassed himself, but that soon disappeared. "You dyed your hair?" He asked eyeing my head quizzically a small smirk tugging at his mouth, I could just hear the fag comments coming but he said nothing.

"Yes now get out; I need to wash this shit out!" I growled turning him around and trying pushing him towards the door while trying to cover my man giblets.

He looked back over his shoulder at my naked self, smirking perversely like making me shriek with exasperation and shove him harder.

"Sasuke are you al-"Naruto's voice echoed through the small bathroom but effectively cutting off at the scene before him, I looked around the rather heavy Itachi and almost died.

My face was surely the colour of my hair; literally the dye was still dripping down my face and had started to move down my chest in rivulets. I looked like a rape victim or something, naked and covered in a blood like substance.

Sakura and Naruto stood in the door way, their mouths dropping open as the stared at my naked self. "GET OUT!" I screeched, moving to hide behind Itachi to shield myself from my best friends, my voice sounded like a girl and I could have just ended my life then and there.

Staring at my with shock and a little bit of appreciation Itachi began to move before I grabbed the back of his shirt pulling him back towards me. "Not you! Wait till they leave then get out!" I yelled shooing the other pair who looked to be on the verge of a severe nose bleed.

Getting the hint the others turned and left, Naruto dragging a protesting Sakura claiming to 'comfort' me. I sighed greatly dropping my head against Itachi's back, the embarrassment of the whole situation hitting me, giving no regard for the patch of red dye I was leaving on his white shirt.

"Why are you here?" I asked weakly looking up to glare at the face over his shoulder, covering my bits again from his prying eyes.

"I came to pick up a few things and raid the fridge and when I heard you shriek I freaked out a bit." He said like it was obvious.

I pouted and pushed him again, "Get out, I need to wash this shit off and hopefully fall down the drain and end my life"

I was a little dramatic but this was a traumatic experience.

I was incredibly embarrassed more so at the reaction I made than actually being naked, that hadn't bothered me Itachi had seen me naked plenty of times as a child but I couldn't help but feel like he saw this time in a different light.

"You're no fun Otouto, but alright give me a call sometime though I do miss hearing from you" He eyed me down again before I nodded vaguely pushing him again.

"Alright, Alright I get it I'm going!" He chuckled at my half assed glare, slapping me on the ass as I turned to get back in the shower.

God I knew this was going to be a dreadful day, moral of the day; don't ever dye your hair. Ever.

…

**I have nothing else relevant to say other than it's formerly a chapter of 'Tattoo Profession' which is gradually getting removed. **

**Cheers!**


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